THE GAY/STRAIGHT ALLIANCE
by Emily
Upton Sinclair—outside. Morning. Jessie. Grace. Bitching. Jessie needs a ride
after school; Grace is too cool for her. “Jessie! I can’t plan my entire life
around your therapy!” Grace snots. Right, Grace, crusty,
old-enough-to-be-your-father, remember-when-you-hated-him? English teacher stalking is
definitely synonymous with “life.” Jessie whines that maybe Grace could’ve
said that a little louder—or she whines that maybe Grace could, like, be considerate,
and not scream about Jessie’s private issues to the rest of the world; I can never
tell what, exactly, it is that Evan says—if she’s being sarcastic or straight-up
begging for Grace to shut up. Anyway. This stupid argument is thankfully interrupted by
Katie, who is wearing an adorably ridiculous winter hat. “Hey, Billie!” she
calls, practically attacking Jessie, who grins a “Hi, Billie” in response.
“Fine, whatever,” Grace bites off to Jessie, before bolting. Katie wonders if it
was something she said, and Jessie agrees that “it’s all [her] fault.” Then
she flashes Katie. No, really. But she does it to show her the fuzzy purple sweater
she’s wearing, which Katie has let her borrow. Katie says it looks great on her
(sure, right, like she’s even noticing the sweater—Jessie just gave her an
invitation to stare at her chest!), and Jessie says she loves it, because “it’s
so cozy.” Apparently, Katie loves the word cozy. Did you know that? Well, probably,
cuz there’s a chance you’ve seen this episode before, but I mean, if you
hadn’t seen the episode (or read any of the other billion recaps of this episode),
now you know that.
Creepitri’s class—well, the end of it. The gross old man has just announced that
he’s been “blackmailed” into being the faculty advisor for the Gay-Straight
Alliance and blah, blah, blah. The upshot is that Tad has decided to attend the upcoming
meeting, citing “bisexual girls” as his reason. “Shut up, Tad,” says
Katie wearily. Word, Katie. Then Tad says Katie should come with him—like, wow, I
just realized that Tad clearly knows of Katie’s sexual preference, if he’s
inviting her to check out bisexual girls with him. Who knew Tad was not so dense? Katie
says it’s stupid, and Jessie appears in the doorway, demanding to know what in the
world it is that Katie is putting down so vehemently. Katie explains her opinion of clubs
like the Gay-Straight Alliance; Jessie pretends to know what she’s talking about;
Jessie asks Katie for change for the soda machine. “Have I ever denied you
change?” Katie grins, as they head out of the classroom. You know, so many, many
people have made the “Katie would never deny Jessie anything” joke that I just
can’t do it. So here ends the scene, as far as we’re concerned, because the rest
of it is Grace defending Creepitri’s sexuality to Tad and the goons.
All right, there’s no Katie in the next scene, but it’s kind of integral to the
plot of the episode, so I figure I have to recap it. We’re in the Manor kitchen;
Lily’s shifting through the mail; Jessie’s eating a yogurt; Grace is breezing in
to sniff fruit from the refrigerator. Lily asks where she’s been, and Grace replies
that she’s been working to revive the Gay-Straight Alliance, which, naturally, shocks
the pants off of Lily. Grace defensively says that it’s “a very important
organization. To build understanding between gay kids and straight kids,” adding
later, when Lily expresses her surprise, that “people should be able to fall in love
with whoever they want,” even more defensively. Yes, yes, Grace, that’s very
noble of you and all, but really? Falling in love with a forty-year-old man who isn’t
even the tiniest bit attractive? IS NOT THE SAME AS FALLING IN LOVE WITH A GIRL. See, one
is gross and wrong and illegal, because you’re only seventeen, and the other
is…not. Anyway, Lily is freaked, because of course she assumes this means Grace is
gay, and she flees the room gratefully when the phone rings.
“So who was there besides you and Mr. Dimitri?” Jessie asks casually, and Grace
near loses it. “What’s your point?” she demands, and Jessie just looks at
her. Realizing there was, in fact, no hidden meaning in her stepsister’s question,
Grace oh-so-deftly changes the subject, saying that a lot of people they’d think
would join probably won’t. “Like your friend Katie,” she offers, and Jessie
makes a nearly-gonna-spit-out-my-yogurt face. She’s all, ‘What do you mean by
that, bitch?’ Grace responds with, “Oh, come on.” “Oh, come on,
what?” Jessie replies challengingly. “She’s gay,” Grace states
casually, as though this were the most obvious fact ever to be factful. Jessie argues that
Katie is not, and Grace says that it’s no big deal, to which Jessie agrees, because
Katie’s not gay. Grace insists that she is, saying “Katie and Sarah Grasser
were, like, madly in love. You don’t know this?” She’s incredulous and adds
that Katie “completely broke [Sarah’s] heart.” Jessie’s all, ‘I
don’t think that’s what happened,’ because that would give a very different
meaning to that attic scene in “Tough Love,” now wouldn’t it? Grace tells
Jessie she can ask anyone, but Jessie doesn’t need to because she knows Katie, but
she is totally calling everything into question now. As Grace leaves the kitchen, she
turns to survey the damage she’s caused and to smile patronizingly at the little that
is left of poor Jessie’s world. Grace, you bitch! I used to like Grace, too—I
actually liked her more than Jessie early on in the show, but this damn storyline with
Creepitri totally ruined her character.
Next day, I assume. Katie comes up to Jessie in the hallway, observing that her hair is
all staticky. Jessie lames that she didn’t have time to brush it out after gym or
something, so Katie offers to brush it for her, proceeding to monkey-brush Jessie’s
hair. Now, because Jessie is paranoid and because her conversation with Grace totally
threw her, she starts to freak that the people passing by are all staring at her and Katie
like they know something. “Okay, that’s good,” she stutters, pulling away,
adding that Katie should go. Wow, rude much? Katie, though, is not miffed by that, and
grabs Jessie’s wrist, checking her watch to find that she has forty-two seconds
before class. Well, then, Jessie’d better go. Katie shrugs, and they part, so Jessie
can go fight with Grace about rides and end up having to go to the Gay-Straight Alliance
meeting.
So Jessie and Grace are at the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting, fighting over whether or not
Katie and Creepitri are gay, when a bunch of kids burst through the front door, and Jessie
is shocked to find Katie among them. Katie greets her with a, “Hey, Billie,”
which Jessie stiltedly returns, managing to say that she thought Katie thought these
things were stupid. Katie does; she “just felt like seeing Dimitri’s
house.” Oh, sure. Katie must have figured out Jessie would be there, and that, my
friends, is why she’s there. But you knew that, huh? Jessie looks all kinds of
uncomfortable, as Katie and the other kids make themselves at home, while Creepitri
suggests they get started.
Later, everyone’s sitting around a table, and Creepitri is trying to be witty (the
homo/hetero hop? Come on!). Jessie sits in the corner, trying to do homework. Katie bugs
her. Jessie brushes her off. Katie bugs her again. Jessie brushes her off. Take a hint,
Singer! Except that Jessie is being a bitch, and so of course I sympathize with Katie, but
really. Way to not make anything better. The Creepster ends the meeting, and Katie tries
to get Jessie to leave with her. Jessie stammers that they should help clean up, but Grace
is all, ‘I need my alone time with my crusty old teacher, dammit! Get the hell outta
here, Jessie.’ Tad, ever the smoothie, slides over, asking Jessie if she needs a ride
home. Jessie stammers some more, so Katie answers for her, “Yeah, she does.” She
puts on her coat and tosses off a bitter, “Have fun” at Jess and Tad as she
leaves. Aw! Seriously, Katie in this episode upsets me, probably because I would so be her
if my best friend ever started to suspect that I’m in love with her…
Anyway! Next J/K scene. We’re back at school. In the hallway. This scene is
oh-so-MSCL. Katie is Rayanne and Jessie is Angela. Anyway, right, I’m not watching My
So-Called Life. “Hey! What’s going on?” poor Katie demands, chasing after
Jessie. Jessie tries to play like she has no idea what she’s talking about, and Katie
says she was, like, waving at Jessie earlier. Of course Jessie didn’t see her.
Because it would suck too much not to, Katie believes her, asking if she wants to come
over later, but Jessie’s going to the hospital. Katie’s all for accompanying
her, but Jessie doesn’t think it would be any fun for her. Which it wouldn’t.
Not the point, though, right? Sorry. Poor Katie finally pulls herself out of that damn
river, dripping wet, and asks if Jessie’s mad at her. Jessie says no, so Katie
demands, “Why are you being like this?” her voice breaking. The bell rings, and
Jessie bolts, offering that they can talk later. Katie tries to get her to stay, but she
runs, leaving Katie standing in the middle of the hallway, looking all lost and pathetic.
Creepitri pops out of the classroom with a charming (not!), “Miss Singer, would you
care to join us?” I hate that man.
In Creepitri’s class. He’s babbling about John Donne or something. Grace is
kissing his ass. Katie pulls out a notebook and starts furiously scribbling what will
become The Letter. When she finishes, she rips the pieces of paper out, folds them up, and
scrawls “Jessie” on the outside. There’s more “teaching” going
on, but it’s really shoddily veiled “chemistry” or
“understanding” between Grace and Creepitri. Grace! Love a new man, so I can
like you again! Sigh… Anyway, when class ends, Katie asks if Grace can give The
Letter to Jessie, saying it’s “extremely personal.” Very trusting person,
this Katie, especially considering it’s Grace, who loooooves to get in the middle of
everybody else’s business. But perhaps Katie doesn’t know Grace like we do. Or
she’s just so desperate that she thinks “extremely personal” will prevent
anyone but Jessie from reading it. Grace takes The Letter; Katie slinks out. Grace starts
to unfold The Letter, and at this point, I was thinking, “If she reads it, I am so
not watching the rest of this!” because I, apparently, have a very high opinion of
Grace, despite this Creepitri debacle. Fortunately for me, Grace thinks better of it and
shoves The Letter in her backpack.
After those goddamn commercials, we get a close-up of The Letter, though not close-up
enough for my tastes. It would be nice to KNOW WHAT IT SAID. I guess we’re just
supposed to infer that it was Katie pouring her heart out to Jessie, which of course it
is, but I wanna know the words she used! Maybe that’s just cuz I’m a writer.
Anyway. Jessie’s reading The Letter in Karen’s hospital room and, like, trying
not to cry. Aw, Jessie. Karen is sleeeeeeping. But not for long! She wakes up and asks
Jessie how long she’s been there. “Not long,” Jessie replies, trying to
hide her obviously tortured soul from her mother. Karen makes conversation and asks how
Katie is, which elicits a “fine” from Jessie. Karen doesn’t pick up on the
fact that something’s bothering her baby—yet—and babbles about how
it’s really great that she has a friend like Katie, just so that knife sticking out
of Jessie’s chest can get a little twist. When Jessie doesn’t reply, Karen asks
what’s wrong. Jessie, playing the pronoun game, says that “there's this
person...I mean, I just want things to stay the way they are, but, uh, what they want
is...to sort of...take that next step.” Maybe this is just me, the English major, but
I would pick up on the fact that the person in question here is a girl, because if it were
a boy, wouldn’t she just say “he”? Except that not. People say
“they” all the time, even when they are most definitely talking about a boy or a
girl. I hate that. Anyway, I’d be suspicious, but I’m probably the only one, cuz
Karen thinks Jessie’s talking about Tad, which makes Jessie laugh. Yay for Karen
being so clueless. Although she does offer this pearl of wisdom: “Just because a
person has feelings for you doesn't mean you have to return those feelings.”
Rick and Lily are talking about the Grace-and-Jessie-hate-each-other situation in their
bathroom, which somehow turns into Lily whining about having a gay daughter and being
jealous because Rick’s “daughter is heterosexual. She’s got a boyfriend
named Tad.” Oh, the irony! My god… Anyway, Rick looks slightly smug, like
‘yup, my kid—she is normal,’ which he’s probably only happy about,
because it would be terribly awkward for him to find out Jessie likes girls. Not that
he’d have a problem with it. It would just be weird for him. Anyway. Lily whines some
more about being a “bigot,” and then the phone rings. Guess who it is. Come on;
guess!
Okay, it’s Katie. You guys are no fun. Lily goes to get Jessie and finds Grace
waiting outside the bathroom door. She asks if Jessie’s in there, and Grace snots
something about Jessie taking forever. Lily calls to Jessie that Katie’s on the
phone, but Jessie lames something about being really tired and says she’ll just talk
to Katie tomorrow, leaving Lily to blow off poor, poor Katie for her. Unfortunately for
Jessie, she has left the bathroom door open, so of course Grace barges in with her,
demanding to know why she won’t talk to Katie. Jessie tells her to cram it, cuz
it’s none of her business. Grace whines that Jessie has it easy: “God, just go
for it! No one will care! At least you can. At least the person you’re in love
with—” Jessie interrupts this to disbelievingly spit, “You read that letter
that she wrote me.” Grace furiously denies this, saying she wouldn’t do
something like that, but Jessie knows Grace totally would do something like that, and
Grace realizes she really has no case against this. Jessie gets angrier as she spouts,
“I don't care what you think you know! I am not in love with anybody! Just because
you picked somebody who would never love you back in a million years!” “Shut
up!” Grace menaces, but Jessie, knowing she’s found Grace’s weak spot,
keeps going, saying that everyone knows she’s in love with Creepitri, and she does
whatever she can to trail him around like a puppy and that it’s embarrassing.
Crippled, defeated, and pissed, Grace shoots back, “Well, you’d do anything to
protect your little image, won’t you? Perfect Jessie, who couldn’t possibly be
in love with a girl.” Jessie, angry beyond all reason, manages to fire, “I
can’t believe how much I hate you,” before storming out of the bathroom. Grace,
comeback-less, assures Jessie’s retreating form that she hates her more. Bravo, Julia
and Evan! This scene ruled, and I’m gonna take a largely unpopular stance here and
side with Grace on this one. What Jessie did was low, man, and Grace was so not trying to,
like, hurt Jessie. And I firmly believe she didn’t read The Letter. I mean, anyone
WITH EYES could see that Katie was in love with Jessie—and Jessie with Katie, for
that matter. So, Jessie, you’re a brat. Get over yourself. (Thank god she actually
does.) Grace, love a new man!
Next day! Creepitri’s class. He’s practically on his knees, begging for some
class participation. Desperate, he calls on Grace, but she’s pissed cuz he snubbed
her in front of his AGE-APPROPRIATE friend Chris the other night AT HIS HOUSE, so she
doesn’t bail him out. The bell rings. Katie, clearly tweaked that Jessie’s not
in school, grabs Grace and asks what happened with The Letter. Grace freaks for some
reason and says nothing happened. Katie thinks Grace didn’t give it to Jessie,
looking relieved, but Grace amends that she did. Creepitri interrupts, and Grace snaps at
him, before turning back to poor, poor Katie, and attempting to spare her fragile, fragile
ego by offering that Jessie might not have gotten a chance to read it yet. Katie’s
entire body exudes relief, as she tossing her arms around Grace’s neck and proclaims
that she loves her, before taking off, leaving Grace to look after her guiltily.
Jessie sits on a chair in the attic, rereading The Letter. A knock on her door freaks her
out, and she drops The Letter, bouncing out of the chair to stand up and look all casual,
as she tells the knocker to “Come in.” Guess who the knocker is. Come on; guess!
Sullen, pathetic Katie appears at the top of the stairs, and Jessie flips a little, but
tries to cover it, telling Katie she thought she was Lily. Katie obviouses, “Well,
I’m not. Your brother let me in.” They both just kinda stand there until Katie
says she just came back for the sweater. Jessie, grateful for something to do, goes to
look for it. “Oh, look, you missed the trash,” Katie says ruefully, spotting The
Letter on the ground. Jessie comes back and possessively picks The Letter up, claiming she
wasn’t going to throw it away. And here we go with transcribing dialogue almost
verbatim, because this just the best scene ever in the history of scripted television.
“Fine, whatever, can I just have it back please?” Katie begs, and here I’m
thinking she’s still talking about the sweater.
“You want the letter back?” Jessie asks incredulously, and here I realize how
very wrong I was.
Katie snatches it, and kind of begins to pace, saying she’s “humiliated
[her]self enough already.” Jessie demands to know how. “Because I shouldn’t
have written all that stuff!” Katie practically explodes.
Jessie tries to assure her that it’s okay, but Katie comes back with, “It’s
obviously not okay! Since you’ll barely even talk to me.”
“I just wanna be friends,” Jessie says plaintively.
“That’s what I want!” Katie returns, which throws Jessie.
“Well from your letter, it just—”
“No! Forget the stupid letter!” Katie begs. “I don’t want anything you
don’t want,” she says meaningfully.
“I just wanna be friends,” Jessie repeats, breaking down a little, as she
totally tries to convince herself—not so much Katie—that being friends is, in
fact, what she wants.
“Me too,” Katie says, walking towards her.
“I’ve just been really—” Jessie cries.
“Confused—I know. Me too,” Katie says comfortingly.
“Exactly, and I didn’t know what to do, and you’re really important to
me,” Jessie babbles, and the girls are now within hugging distance.
“I am?” Katie asks incredulously, and you can see her almost not wanting to risk
believing it.
“Yes!” Jessie breathes. “Don’t you know that?
“Because you are so important to me,” Katie says.
“So can we just be friends? I mean, am I still your friend?” Jessie asks
anxiously.
“Yes, of course, oh my god! Of course you’re still my friend,” Katie
assures her, pulling her into a hug.
Jessie holds onto her tightly, and Katie begs to her to “just throw the stupid letter
out.” Jessie stops, ponders. “I can’t,” she whispers.
Incredulous, Katie pulls away, looking at Jessie hopefully, fearfully. “I can’t
throw it away. I wanna keep it forever,” she admits.
Katie kind of half-smiles, and then. It happens. Jessie makes a decision. She leans
forward and captures Katie’s lips in the sweetest, most tentative, adorable first
kiss I have ever seen in my life. Seriously. My heart was thudding the first time I saw
this. Oh, who am I kidding? It still thuds, even though I’ve re-watched this scene a
bazillion times.
“Oh my god,” Jessie says softly, pulling away, meaning ‘oh my god,
that’s what kissing is supposed to feel like?’
“What?” Katie asks.
Jessie frowns a little, but then gets this blissed-out expression on her face. “I
just,” she starts, then realizes she can’t put these feelings into words.
“I know,” Katie assures her, and Jessie half-smiles and then they kiss some
more, before pulling away again, touching foreheads and smiling shyly at each other.
Beautiful. Perfect. No scene will ever, ever top this! That was some of the most
incredible acting I have ever seen in my life. Yay for Mischa and Evan! They’re
fucking brilliant, y’all.
Last scene. Attic. Jessie and Katie are sitting on the floor by the bed, and Jessie looks
so peaceful and content as she stares adoringly at Katie. Katie looks kind of
uncomfortable in a flattered way, but she loves it. (Know how ya feel, Katie…)
Anyway, a knock on the door interrupts the love fest, and the girls jump up anxiously.
Dude, it’s just Grace. And Grace already knows. Why? Because Grace has eyes. Anyway,
Jessie lames some excuse about Katie bringing her homework, and Katie says goodbye. Grace
reveals that Lily sent up cough drops, cuz Jessie’s “sick.” Jessie says she
feels better; Grace does too, the stepsisters effectively kissing and making up. Grace
heads back downstairs and Jessie falls onto her bed, happy, happy, happy!
Best. Episode. Ever. Seriously. Julia, Mischa, and Evan are, like, the finest teenage
actors ever. Props to all 3 of them! PS: I don’t wanna hear it if you hate Grace.
Okay? I love Grace. Not as much as Jessie and Katie, but still. Yes, she’s a bitch.
But so is Jessie, all right? So there. Anyway, thanks for reading, y’all. I may just
recap the 3 J/K scenes in “Tough Love” next, but that’s kind of pointless.
We’ll see, though…