We Have Time
Email:
broodingconfusion@yahoo.com.au
Website: http://www.shadow-sundays.net
Rating: G
Summary: Set about 6 years into the future, Jessie reflects on the time in their
relationship that brought her to be sitting in this small cafe waiting for
Katie.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. They own everything. *Suddenly feels small and
insignificant*
Author's Notes: This is actually the first piece of fanfiction I've ever
completed and posted for anyone aside from my friends to see. Thanks to Emily
for sharing my newfound Jessie/Katie love.
**********
I'd always
thought things would turn out different between us.
Those insane naive hopes that you'd be together forever, those hopes
that at the time seem like reality when in fact are about as far
from it as you could possibly get. Nothing's forever. Nothing's
perfect. And things between us? They weren't perfect, or forever.
I'd loved her more than anything in my life, I still do but that
wasn't enough for her. It wasn't anyone's fault, even if I'd tried
that little bit harder I don't think it would have worked, maybe it
just wasn't meant to be.
We were happy though, before she left, before everything started
going downhill. Things were great, they were perfect, she was my
world. Everything around us was just blurred into the background
and the lights were centered on us. But then it happened, I always
thought that we could share anything, that we'd be able to get
through anything as long as we had each other. I guess I was wrong,
after the accident she was never the same, she closed part of
herself off to me. I don't know if she blamed herself, hell, I
don't know if she blamed me but it was like she couldn't face me
again after that. I remember I was up in my room when mom came up
and told me what had happened, she told me about the accident and
how Katie was still critical, lying in a coma.
I must've cried for hours, I was so scared, what if she died? What
if I never got to say goodbye? The worst thing was that we'd had a
fight before she left, it was why she left, I didn't know how I felt
in those few moments, if I thought she was going to live or die. I
told mom everything, about the arguement, about her leaving, about
how scared I was that she might die and about how I loved her. I
think she would have been the only person who could have comforted
me the way she did, she always knew exactly the right things to
say. She told me she loved me, that Katie would be alright because
I was here waiting for her, she said she'd seen the way we looked at
each other and that Katie would never leave me without letting me
know I was her world and that she loved me. Those words gave me
hope through those days and Katie did wake up, 12 days she was lying
there, closed to the world. It could have been 12 months for all I
cared, it felt like forever and that's how long I'd wait for her.
I was talking to her, telling her about my day and how I wished she
was there with me, that's when I saw her smile. It was faint, but I
knew she smiled, I felt it. I closed the door to the room and sat
back down with her and I kept talking, every now and then she'd
flinch or move and I knew it wasn't just another day. She was going
to come back to me. And she did, 2:36PM she opened her eyes and
2:37PM I told her I loved her.
I can remember every little thing from that day, the way her eyes
glistened when she saw me sitting beside her, the way her hair
smelled, the way her lips tasted when I kissed her. I don't think
I'll ever forget it, it made me realise how important life was and
how we couldn't waste it. They kept her in there overnight and she
was released first thing the next day. But over the next few days
something seemed to change about her, I didn't know what it was, but
I knew something had changed. Then she told me, it was over between
us. I never thought I'd hear those words uttered out of her
mouth, "We need to talk about us," "Jessie I can't be with you
anymore, it's over." I couldn't speak, I could hardly breathe, my
world had just come crashing down around me. I just looked at her
for a few moments and then I turned around and I left, without a
word, what could I say?
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, just to get up
and face the world knowing I might never see her again. I wasn't
used to the cold of my bed and how different it was without her
there with her arms wrapped around me, after a while even her scent
disappeared off my sheets. I refused to let Lily wash them, aside
from a few photos and memories, that scent was all I had to hold
onto. Even that eventually disappeared, it was like she'd never even
been there, like I'd dreamt it all up. I barely even left my room
for weeks following, I didn't know if it was possible to go on
without her. But it was.
Each day it got easier, but I'd never say it got easy. At least I
survived, at first I wasn't sure I would, I wasn't sure my body
could cope, that *I* could cope. She was my first love, some part
of me will always love her and I guess that's what brings me here.
Five years on and I haven't stopped hoping that she's just going to
suddenly appear in front of me. There have been people in my life
since her, but no one that I've felt anything for that could even be
compared to what we had. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but
who knows? I think she's my soulmate and I don't think I'll ever be
convinced otherwise. I recieved a call from Eli this morning, he
told me he might know where Katie is. And an hour later he brought
me here, a small cafe sitting just beyond one of the smaller campus'
and just beyond my knowledge of the area. Eli had left an hour ago,
I wasn't going to leave until she walked through that door, and at
that moment she did. She was even more beautiful than I'd
remembered, her hair, her skin, her smile, the way she walked, she
was perfect. She sat down at the counter and she seemed so at ease
and happy, she was so happy. Maybe I'd made a mistake? Was it the
right thing to do? I'd never thought about what seeing me might be
like for her, maybe she didn't want to see me, she had left me
afterall. She laughed and turned around and that's when our eyes
met. Her expression faded and what I was left with was unreadable,
she was just staring at me, then she smiled and in that one moment I
knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't tell you if it will work out between us because I really
don't know. What will come out of our second encounter I'm unsure.
I still have so many questions for her, why did you leave? Where did
you go? How have you spent your life during the last 5 years? And
have you ever thought about us? I don't know what she'll say and I
don't know where it'll lead, all I know is that we have time.