All The Pretty Girls
by Lizzy

PART 25

I'm a smart girl, right?  I am.  Really, I am.  I mean, I never show up to class and I always manage to get good marks...doesn't that indicate a certain level of intelligence?  You'd think so.  But I'm coming to realise rather quickly that I am the dumbest smart person I know. 

I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would think that, considering that Sarah, Jessie and I all have the same classes, that I would somehow make it through the day without the three of us running into each other?  No one.  But somehow in my blind optimism, and relief at the fact that Jessie is even willing to speak to me, I neglected to plan for that particular scenario.  The scenario that I currently find myself in.

"Hey Katie," Sarah says brightly, then turns her attention to Jessie, "Jessie, how are you?"

"Fine," Jessie responds coolly, not making eye contact with either Sarah or me.

"Good," Sarah says, seeming not to notice.  She seems nervous, but she's covering it well, "Have you guys done the reading?"

"Yeah," Jessie responds, still clearly uncomfortable, but trying to remain pleasant.  None of us want a scene.  She continues, but I cut her off, "I did..."

"Can I talk to you," I say icily to Sarah, who responds with a concerned look.

She nods, "Yeah, okay," and darts a look at Jessie who is studying the ground, and then looks back at me before moving away from Jessie and I.

I rest my hand on Jessie's arm lightly, "I'll be right back."

I wander over to where Sarah is standing, just out of Jessie's earshot, and lean against the wall of the lecture hall.

Sarah looks at me expectantly, mimicking my action by leaning against the same wall, facing me, "What's up?" she asks, as casually as she can manage.

"Jessie knows," I state plainly.

"Oh," she says quietly, darting a guilty look at Jessie, over my shoulder.

I wait for her to say something further, but nothing comes, so I continue, "So we can't be friends right now."

Her eyes return to me, "What?" she asks, "But you said... "

I cut her off, "I know what I said, and I'm not saying I don't want to be your friend, I just can't be your friend right now."

"Katie!" she implores me to reconsider with her voice, "It was a mistake, we both know that," she begins, before laughing sardonically and changing tone, fixing me with a steely gaze, "You made that pretty clear."

I feel bad for that, I really do, and I soften my tone, "Sarah..." I say in a reassuring tone, but quickly realise that I have nothing to say to follow, so my voice just trails away.  I drop my eyes, but I can feel Sarah looking at me.

"I just don't understand why we can't pretend this didn't happen," she says softly, "Don't let her dictate whether or not we can still hang out."

I anger at this slight attack on Jessie, and look up to fix Sarah with my gaze, "She's not dictating anything, she hasn't asked anything of me.  I love her, Sarah, and I don't want her to doubt that."

The hardening of my demeanour gives Sarah a bit more courage to speak what's on her mind, and I see something flash across her eyes as she says, "So you're willing to just throw away five years of friendship for someone you've known for five minutes?"

I rise to this, "Five minutes?  She's my girlfriend and I care about her.  I want this to work," I tell her, trying to keep my voice as level as possible.  I think I know where she's taking this and I know my voice won't stay level for much longer.

"Look, Katie," Sarah says delicately, "All I'm saying is that I value our friendship, and when things don't work out with Jessie, I want us to still have that."

"When things don't work out?" I quirk an eyebrow irritably.

"You know what I mean," she says a little icily. 

I do know what she means.  I'm the first person to admit to being a bit flakey when it comes to relationships.  Not just girlfriends, but friends too.  I change friends and girlfriends often, because people change and grow and grow apart, and I'm not about to try and stop that.  I know I do that, and I'm not proud of some of the friendships I've allowed to dissolve.  I also know that Sarah likes to use this fact as ammunition when we have an argument, and I'm not about to let her this time.  I'm not going to endanger my chances with Jessie just because Sarah presumes she knows me better that I do.

I look at her coldly and say, "I only have a short attention span when it comes to certain relationships, and my current one isn't one of them."  

Sarah looks wounded, and I regret saying it as soon as the words leave my mouth, but it's out there now.  I know that Sarah was always more invested in us than I was when we were dating, and since then, as friends, we have always joked about my short attention span, which somehow, always mode it okay that I had broken up with her. 

Sarah can't seem to find a response, so I use that as my out before I say anything else that's hurtful.

I nod solemnly, "Okay," I say as a conclusion and slowly turn and walk away.  Out of the corner of my eye I see her walk away.

I make my way back over to Jessie.

"What was that about?" she asks me, concerned, "It looked heated."

I nod, "I told her that I need some space away from her."

"What?" Jessie looks confused, "Why did you do that?  You're friends."

I wasn't expecting that reaction, "Well, I...I thought," I stammer, "I thought you..."

"You did it because of me?"

Um, isn't that the most obvious thing in the world?  "Well, yeah."

Jessie sighs, "Katie..."

I'm confused, "What?"

"You can't do that," she tells me seriously.

No less confused, "What?  Why?"

"Because it's not fair to anyone," she says, "least of all me," she adds softly.

"Huh?" I blurt out like a true scholar, "You want me to continue to hang out with the person I..." stop right there Katie, don't say it out loud, "...uh, you want me to continue to hang out with Sarah, to be fair to you?"

Jessie softly places her hand on my arm, "Just listen," she says gently, looking me straight in the eye, "I never asked you to choose.  I don't want you to choose between your girlfriend and your best friend.  I don't want you resenting me for the loss of your friendship when it's something I never even asked you to end."

"I would never resent you for anything..." I tell her in earnest.

"Look, Katie," she continues firmly, "I can't pretend to be happy about this whole situation, but I know that you never meant to hurt me, and I know that you avoiding Sarah is not a solution."

"Well, what is the solution?"

She smiles a little, "I don't know.  I guess we'll just have to work that out as we go along."

"And you don't want me to stop being around Sarah?"

Jessie fixes me with an intense gaze, "Katie, can I trust you?"

I gulp audibly, "Yes," I nod, my eyes locked on hers, "Yes, of course."

She nods too, and looks at me seriously, "Good, then I don't want you to stop seeing Sarah."

She runs her hand down my arm and then walks past me, leaving me, no doubt, looking totally befuddled.

"You coming?" she asks from behind me, and I turn to face her once more.

"Huh?" I ask, feeling particularly eloquent once more.

"Class," she states pointing over her shoulder to the lecture hall.

"Yeah," I nod, walking up beside her.

I feel her hand snake it's way into mine and she bumps against me affectionately, "You know Prof Tonkin is lecturing today."

I stop walking and groan, "Oh god, do we really have to go in?"

"Yeah," she smiles up at me, and then tugs me along by the hand, "Come on."

"Okay," I relent, following her, "but you have to promise to wake me if I snore."

"I promise," she chuckles, as we find our seats, "I'll wake you up of you drool too."

"I don't drool!" I exclaim, mock indignantly.

"Oh please, I should have brought a towel, last time I almost got washed away!"

"Oh shuttup," I grumble.

She reaches over and takes my hand, "But it's okay...I forgive you," she smiles.

I smile back.  I hope she really means it.

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