All The Pretty Girls
Rating: G to PG-13-ish.
Some language.
Feedback:
Yes please,
dizzy198333@hotmail.com
Summary: An AU fic. Jessie and Katie never met
in high school, but are now both at college in the same year, studying the same
course.
PART 22
The moment I opened the door and saw Jessie's face, panic just swept
over me. And now, what feels like about ten minutes later, I'm
still standing in my doorway, looking at her with all the colour
drained from my face, running through some of the thousands of
questions that have plagued me since I fucked up so badly.
Okay, so maybe my mind's not running through thousands of
questions...maybe just the one:
"What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to
do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"
I realise I've left her standing there looking at me quizzically
while I process this thought, so I try to act cool, pretend that
everything is normal...for the moment.
"Jessie! Hey," I say to her as casually as I can manage, as I lean
in and peck her on the lips before gesturing for her to come
inside. She looks at me sideways as she walks past me into my
apartment, and I know exactly what's coming next.
"Katie, is something wrong?" she asks me straight out the moment I
turn around to face her.
I sigh, and figure there's no reason to dance around the
subject, "Yes."
"...because you've been acting strangely all da..." she stops short
as she realises that I'm not denying anything, "Yes?" she exhales a
small laugh, "That was easy. You're such a pushover," she jokes,
probably because she's worried.
"Well I want to be honest with you," I tell her seriously.
Her face falls, "Because you haven't been honest with me...?"
"Not entirely."
"About?"
"About Saturday night," I mumble into my chin as my eyes drop to the
floor. I can feel the knot in my stomach begin a pilgrimage to my
throat.
"Saturday night?" she looks confused, "But I thought we...I thought
you..." she trails off, "Are you still upset with me?" she asks, her
voice small and hurt, "Because I told you, nothing happened with
Tad!" she almost pleads, "I love you Katie, and I would never..."
"Jessie, stop," I cut her off, forcing myself to look her in the
eye, "It's not about that, it's not about...you," I tell her, even
though it is, very much, about her.
She looks even more confused at this, her eyes searching my face for
clues, "But what else happened on Saturday night? Nothing, right?
I kissed Tad...and you're telling me it's not that, then you left me
there, and then you..."
I interrupt her as her sentence trails off, "See, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about...see...when I...after..." I stop when
I realise that her sentence trailed off for a reason, and I realise
that she's looking at me coldly. Like she understands.
"..and then you went and got drunk with Sarah," she finishes her
previous sentence. "Is that it?" her voice raises slightly, "Is
that why she was still here yesterday morning?" she shakes her head
in disbelief, "You slept with Sarah?"
"Jessie, I...let me explain," I stutter, trying to diffuse the
situation;
"What do you mean that it's not about me?" she yells, "Of course it
has to do with me!"
"That's not what I meant," I try to explain, "It was a mistake...it
wasn't to do with us, or our relationship."
"Did you do this to get back at me?" she continues to shout at me.
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" I yell back, becoming
exasperated. "It was a mistake, I was drunk and I was upset, it
just happened."
"So it /was/ to get back at me!"
"No! It wasn't," I counter lamely. How am I going to fix this?
"Well you said you were upset, so it must have been to hurt me!" she
is getting no less angry, and I'm not helping the situation.
"No, Jessie, I would never intentionally hurt you," I tell her, my
voice calmer, and I run my hand down her arm and try to take her
hand to soothe her.
She pulls her hand away sharply, and pushes me away several times
roughly as I try to maintain contact, "Don't touch me. Don't
fucking touch me," she mutters as she pushes me roughly again.
"No! Jessie! Stop! Listen to me!" In desperation I take her
forcibly by the shoulders and throw down on the sofa. I sit down
next to her and hold her forearms tightly to stop her from pushing
me away.
"Will you please just listen to me?" I plead.
She calms slightly, and jerks her arms out of my hold and crosses
them over her chest. Her expression icy, she raises her eyebrows as
if to say, 'Well?'
"I didn't do this to hurt you. I could never hurt you like that. I
love you," I tell her.
She huffs, as if to say, 'some way of showing it,' but lets me
continue.
"I didn't sleep with Sarah because I was upset. I got drunk because
I was upset...which I know is equally stupid..." I concede, and
Jessie rolls her eyes as if to say 'well, duh!' "But I was blind
drunk, and I got home and heard your message on the answering
machine, and I mistook Sarah for you. I thought she was you,"
which as I say it sounds even more ludicrous than it did in my head.
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Well..." I begin timidly, "It's the kind of stupid thing I'd do," I
smile weakly, and wonder if a joke was really appropriate at this
moment.
She nods and drops her eyes to the floor, "Okay," she states simply.
"Okay?" I ask, not knowing what she meant, especially since her body
language doesn't match what she's saying.
"Okay I believe you," she tells me quietly.
"You do?" I ask relieved, "Oh Jessie I..." I begin to gush but she
cuts me off. My emerging smile fades as I realise how sombre she
still looks.
"Katie, I believe you...and I'm not mad...really..."
"Jessie..." I begin, but realise that I don't know what I can say.
"It's just that...it's a hard thing to just ignore...and..." she
shakes her head as if to clear it, "and I just think I need a little
time."
"Before what?" I ask.
"Huh?" she looks at me questioningly.
"You need some time before what?" I ask again.
"Before I...before we..." she frowns, "I just think we need a little
time apart."
I feel my stomach lurch, and my eyes begin to sting, so I close them
to stop the tears from flowing. I take a deep breath and stammer
out in my smallest voice, "Are you breaking up with me?"
But when I open my eyes, she's gone.