All The Pretty Girls
Rating: G to PG-13-ish.
Some language.
Feedback:
Yes please,
dizzy198333@hotmail.com
Summary: An AU fic. Jessie and Katie never met
in highschool, but are now both at college in the same year, studying the same
course.
PART 20
My head is a mess. How could I have been so stupid? I mean,
yes...I know I do stupid things more often than not, but this truly
is a new low. Way low. I mean, what the hell am I going to tell
Jessie? What the hell am I going to do?
But then again, have I really even forgiven her for kissing
Tad?
Arg! Shut up brain! What I have done is so much worse! So much!
But I was angry at her, and drunk. This isn't really my
fault.
No, Katie, no excuses. I can't go through life making excuses for
myself.
Shit...now I sound like Dad.
Of course I know what I have to do. There's only one thing that
will make everything come clear.
Pacing!
If I pace back and forth about five hundred times all the answers
will become clear! It's foolproof!
Of course if that fails, I can always just keep pacing until my
hangover kills me or I starve to death. Either option's
good...whichever.
That's the plan. Pacing.
**********
After pacing for about ten minutes, while waiting for my stress
levels to drop, I realise that Sarah has not yet emerged from the
bedroom.
Feeling a little sorry for the way I talked to her earlier, I creep
back into the room looking apologetic.
"Sarah, I'm sorry for..." I stop, when I see her sitting on the
side of the bed, crying. "Sarah...are you okay?" I ask softly,
while sliding myself next to her on the bed, "I'm sorry about
before," I tell her.
She wipes her eyes and sits up straight, "I'm okay," she states,
though she doesn't sound too sure. She sniffs loudly, and wipes her
eyes again, "No," she affirms, more certainly, "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" I question, my demeanour has softened - after
having time to think, I realise she's my friend, and probably at no
more fault than I am. Or at least I'm willing, for the moment, to
give her the benefit of the doubt.
"Yeah, I...I just," her voice cracks, "um, god...uh," she struggles
with what she's trying to say, "I mean, it's not like I wanted last
night to happen, you know?" I nod my affirmation, "But...uh, it's
not like I didn't want it to happen," I nod again, I'm shocked by
her admission, but not as shocked as I expected. When I think about
it, I think I actually enjoy, and have enjoyed her adulation. So I
just nod understandingly so she'll continue. "I'm sorry, I
shouldn't have let last night happen, and I feel so stupid now, but
I wasn't in control of myself and I couldn't help it, and...I'm
sorry...and...can we, I mean are we, uh, can we still be friends?"
she asks her eyes brimming with tears.
"God, Sarah, yes, of course we're still friends," I tell her and hug
her, but I pull away before it gets too intense. I look her in the
eye and smile reassuringly, "It's okay, really. Look, go have a
shower and I promise you'll feel better."
She nods slowly and rises from the bed and heads to the bathroom,
leaving me, once again, alone with my thoughts. I wander out into
the living room again and lay on the couch, my brain feels like it's
in overload, and I drift off into a light, but troubled sleep.
I'm woken, what feels like two seconds later (though I know it was
longer), by a loud banging at the door.
"What the f...who is it?" I yell at the door from the couch, but
there's no response, so I roll off the couch and crawl towards the
door, managing to stand, and walk about half-way there.
"Jesus Christ," I grumble to myself, "it's only," I glance at my
watch, "...midday. It's still so early!"
I finally make it to the door and wrench it open, prepared to give
whomever it may be on the other side my best 'I don't care what you
want, just fuck off' face, but I'm stopped dead, and my face falls
at the sight of her.
"Jessie," I squeak out. For the faintest, smallest fraction of a
second I'm thrilled to see her, but my joy is overridden by the
strong sense of foreboding.
What am I going to do? She can't come in, Sarah's in the shower!
So I do what my first impulses tell me. The wrong thing.
I half close the door, and position myself obtrusively in the gap.
There's no way she'll get past this!
Subtle Singer, very subtle.
"So, uh, Jess. What are you doing here?" I ask casually, while not
yielding my position in the doorway.
She looks at me questioningly, presumably due to my behaviour, but
ultimately ignores it, answering softly and shyly, "Uh, I came to
talk. Did you get my message?" her eyes drop to the doorstep as she
shuffles uncomfortably.
"Yes. Yeah, I did," I respond. Silence falls. We stand there for
a few moments, waiting for each other to continue. Neither of us
knowing what to say.
Finally she breaks the silence, "And...?" she asks expectantly.
"And?" I question.
"Yeah, you get my message, so...uh...where do we stand?" she asks
unintentionally a little too bluntly, and she shuffles again,
uncomfortably.
"Well, uh," I'm about to continue when I stop dead. I hear
footsteps behind me. Oh no. Sarah.
"Hey, who is it?" Sarah asks coming up behind me towel drying her
hair and sticking her head out the door, "Jessie! Uh, hi!" she
makes a vain attempt at sounding amicable, though she's clearly
thrown.
"Hi Sarah," Jessie answers with a furrowed brow.
I, at that moment, am doing my best goldfish impression, my mouth
opening and shutting, not knowing what to say.
"You've caught me!" Sarah declares, and I try to swallow my heart
back down to it's proper position, which evidently is not in my
throat, but fortunately Sarah continues, "I'm such a drunk, I stayed
over here, because I was in no state to get home." I could kiss
Sarah! But I won't, because things are bad enough as they are...at
least they're not as bad as they were two minutes ago though.
"Anyway," Sarah says, looking between Jessie and I, "I think I'll
leave you two to talk." And with that she darted back into the
apartment, gathered her things and was gone.
"Uh, come in," I say to Jessie, moving out of the doorway, finally
to grant her access.
"Thanks," she says as she looks up at me shyly as she passes through
the door.
We both sit on the couch awkwardly for a while just looking at each
other before I finally figure out what to say.
"I'm sorry," I tell her.
"You're sorry?" she asks shocked, "Why? I should be sorry."
"No," I stop her, "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, I know what
Tad's like, and I know what you're like, and I should have believed
you, so I'm sorry." Okay that's the first part out of the way.
"Well I'm sorry it happened at all." We both fall silent again, and
I look down at my tense hands, trying to build up the courage to
tell her what I really, really ought to tell her.
"So, uh, I, uh..." I begin smoothly before I'm interrupted.
"Can we start over?" Jessie asks, her eyes pleading, "Pretend that
last night never happened?"
God, if only she knew everything that happened last night. I wish
it had never happened. And I know that I should tell her.
If only I had the courage.
"Katie?" she breaks into my thoughts.
"What? Huh?"
"Can we pretend that last night never happened?"
I am such a coward.
"Yes."