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PART 15 - The Teethe
Zoë smirked to herself at the sound of Katie’s voice. " Hey, Kay, Why do you sound so out of breath?"
"Oh, I…I uh…" The words stumbled clumsily out of her mouth. " I had to sprint across the room to get the phone." It's not a lie, per se.
"Uh huh," Zoë nodded, incredulously. "Is your roommate around?"
Katie gulped, and slipped the t-shirt over her head guiltily. "Yeah, She’s in the shower."
"So," Zoë began in mock surprise, "you’re sleeping with her…"
"What?" Katie’s voice rose an octave.
"In your letter you said you thought you might be into someone, it’s her, isn’t it?"
"I…well…" Katie stopped and thought back to the night she’d written the letter. At the time, she’d seriously been thinking about hooking up with Paige, but now that it had actually happened, she was sure it was not what she wanted at all. "It’s not going to work out with her," Katie leered squarely at the bathroom door, thinking about the girl in the shower on the other side of it, and let out a single snicker. "She’s too much like me."
"Ha," Zoë laughed, spitefully. "Yeah, I guess you can’t have two cold-hearted-sex-crazed-lunatics in one relationship."
Katie wasn’t sure why, but the sardonic tone in Zoë’s voice grated her. "Look," she allowed her voice to convey her annoyance, "what is this about, exactly? Did you call me just to toss verbal darts at the bull’s-eye that is my ear?"
"No," Zoë held the phone slightly away from her head, taken back by Katie‘s sudden burst of anger. "I’m sorry."
Katie sighed and rubbed her forehead, regretfully. "Me, too…So, what‘s up, Short Stuff?"
"Nothing…"
"Nothing?" Katie nodded, and checked the clock by her bedside. "You don’t call me at 10:17 a.m. without a motive…A serious one."
She couldn’t do it, fake being okay. She thought maybe just hearing Katie’s voice would make her feel better because it always had, but tonight it wasn’t enough.
"I dunno, Kay, everything in the world is weird right now." And so began the ramble-fest "Things are tense around here, but maybe that’s just me…I feel, like, totally alone and I don’t know why…High School sucks…and My Mom’s working so hard on this syndication thing…My sister’s almost never here ‘cause she’s always at the damn dorms, you’re, like, a zillion miles away, and Jessie’s got a new girlfriend, so even when she’s here she’s not really here."
"Whoa! Stop. Rewind. Replay. What about Jessie?"
"Huh?" Zoë finally stopped to process what she was saying. "Oh…oh…uhm…She’s sorta seeing this girl, I think."
"You think, or you know?"
"I… she is," Zoë whispered, "definitely."
There was silence after that. Katie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think she’d be so…whatever it is she was feeling. Shocked? Disappointed? Just flat out crushed? Somewhere inside there was a part of her that hoped Jessie wouldn’t get over her, wouldn’t be okay with out her…and to hear that she was doing just fine upset her in a way she’d never predicted she could be. She didn’t think she had the ability to be that gut-wrenchingly broken.
"Well," she cleared her throat after the stillness became unbearable. "Good for her." What else could she say? There were no words.
"Kay, you don’t have to do that…"
Katie laughed to herself. She thought she was better than this. The whole jealous girlfriend bit wasn’t her style. But maybe she was wrong about that. She’d been wrong about everything else. Realizing that she was wrong in the first place was the hard part, and she’d done that a while ago. So, why couldn’t she just swallow her damn stupid pride, get over her damn stupid self and go home? Not home to the States, not home to Chicago…home to Jessie, home to her arms, the only place she’s ever really called home. She hung her head and contemplated defeat.
No.
"What is it that I don‘t have to do, Zo?"
"Pretend…You don’t ever have to pretend with me."
"I know I don’t…" I just have to pretend with myself. Katie hardened her voice once more, forcing herself to find the strength to act fine. Maybe sooner or later, she would be. "There’s no pretense here, Short Stuff…It’s fine, really. I’m happy for her."
Zoe hesitated for a moment, unable to swallow Katie’s words. But, thinking twice about it, maybe she wasn’t lying…maybe she really was okay with this. After all, it had been 4 months since she left…and she still hadn’t looked back.
"You’re sure?"
"Yeah, totally…Listen, I know things seem rough right now, what with you starting High School and Grace going to college and…"she paused, not wanting to reiterate anything more, and everything else that’s going on. But you’ve gotta stay strong. Things will get easier, I promise…But, you don’t need me to promise that…you’ll see it for yourself." Katie shook her head, silently acknowledging that there was no way she could ever really guarantee everything would work out.
"Yeah…" Zoë replied, still obviously disheartened.
"And you know what, I was thinking that I might even come home for Christmas." Okay, so it was a lie…but because she knew Zoë was so desperately longing to hear it, some how, it came out sounding like there was some semblance of truth to it.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I was letting the idea marinate, some…"
"Awesome!"
Katie smirked at the visualization of Zoë’s smiling face. "So, why don’t you go try to focus on something positive…and I’ll give you a shout soon, okay?"
"Okay…I miss you."
"Miss you, too, Kid…"
"Bye."
"Bye"
The conversation was over, but Katie still held the phone in her hands, listening to the sound of dead air over the line. She stared intensely at the leopard print carpet beneath her feet until her vision blurred and each singular black dot in the pattern connected with every other.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened, startling Katie into reanimation. She clicked the "off" button, tossed the phone carelessly to the foot of her bed, then stretched out lazily across the mattress.
"How is she?" Paige inquired while taking a seat next to Katie.
"Eh, You know, she’s a teenager… As far as teenagers go, she’s fine."
"She misses you."
"Yeah, well, you know…once you’ve known me, it’s hard to let go…I’ve got these staggering drawing powers…"
"Ha," Paige laughed sarcastically, "You’ve got your own gravity." She completed with a smile, then leaned down, slowly closing the gap between herself and Katie. "So, where were we?"
Katie propped herself onto her elbows, slyly moving herself farther away.
Paige tilted her head, playing confused, though she understood quite well. After a few awkward seconds of silence, a warm smile spread across her lips. She fingered Katie’s hair. "You can’t blame me for trying…" then she stood up and started to move away.
Katie grabbed her wrist before she could get out of arm‘s reach. She looked at Paige with desperate, cheerless eyes. "I’m sorry…"
"Nothing to be sorry for…" Paige sighed and pulled her arm out of Katie‘s grip. "She really is a lucky girl."
"Yeah," Katie rolled her eyes, "Real lucky…"
**********
Hayden couldn’t help but smile as she watched Jessie sitting quietly in the corner at the table-for-two they’d decided on.
"So, who’s the blonde?" asked Jamie, the designated Keg-Mistress for the evening.
"That’s Jessie…"
"Not a bad looking girl," Jamie peered at her while filling a neon-yellow plastic cup with beer. "How the hell did you manage a catch like that?"
"Just lucky, I guess…"
"Yeah Yeah," Jamie sighed, handing two cups over, "Better get back to your hottie ‘fore the vultures catch her scent."
Hayden laughed, then started back toward the table…
"So," Hayden smirked while handing a drink to Jessie "you having fun?"
"Yeah," Jessie nodded pleasantly before putting the glass to her lips. Suddenly, her face changed at first taste of the liquid. She swallowed hard, then examined the cup’s contents. "It’s soda…" She said, perplexed
"Yeah," Hayden nodded, "Sorry, I didn’t take you for a beer-drinker."
"I’m not. It’s funny that you knew that…"
"Yet, you were totally prepared for it to be beer…Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted soda?"
"I dunno, I guess I was sort of hoping that you already knew…And you did."
"Hmm," Hayden thought aloud, "so, I guess I passed the test, then?"
"With flying colors…" Jessie laughed lightly, once more in awe of her date. Then a silence fell between them--not the awkward, uncomfortable kind, somewhere more along the lines of reassuringly understanding..
"Ahh!" Hayden gasped, unexpectedly, "It’s ‘Chinese Burn’! I love this song!"
Jessie laughed at the pleased delight in her voice, "I think we need to dance, then." She grabbed Hayden’s arm and lead her to the floor.
The song had an undercurrent about it, a style that made everyone on the floor feel overtly sexual. The two girls began swaying instep to the dark, electronic beat. They danced, undeterred throughout most of the song, until a tall, dark haired guy with a painted face slipped brazenly between them. At first, both girls welcomed his presence, because, after all, dancing was just dancing, but it took an unnerving turn when he put his grabbed Jessie’s waste. She cringed at his touch.
Seeing Jessie’s obvious discomfort, Hayden stopped dancing and stepped to the guy’s side. She tapped his shoulder and he turned his head to look at her. Without a word, she pushed him out of the way, and softly placed her hands on Jessie’s waist.
The guy stared at them, stunned.
Hayden smiled at him, and spoke loudly over the music. "Get a life, Brad."
Bradley raised his hands in defeat. " Sorry, Hayden…"
"Uh huh…" she nodded, and continued assertively, "go get a drink."
He slunk away on command.
Jessie looked in astonishment at Hayden., "Masterful…" She giggled.
"Yeah, well, you know…" Hayden blushed.
Jessie nodded, then proceeded to pull Hayden closer.
**********
Two and a half hours later, after fully fatiguing themselves, the girls left the party. No, it wasn’t over yet, but it was getting late, and Hayden decided that keeping Jessie out all night at a rave was not the best way to impress her parents, or Jessie herself, for that matter. She was trying her hardest to be responsible, curbing her party-animal side. Mostly because she wanted Jessie to feel safe with her; she’d learned at an early age that that was important to girls.
They slowly made their way to Hayden’s car, which was parked about a block or so away, thanks to the limited parking space on campus. They were walking so closely together, that their arms kept occasionally brushed together. Finally, after the contact became unbearably agonizing, Hayden took a chance, and slipped Jessie’s hand into her own, unsure if it was too bold a move.
"S…Sorry," Hayden stammered, "the campus is always so wild on Friday nights, I just want to know you’re still here," she smirked, then searched Jessie’s face for a sign of approval.
"It’s okay…no explanation needed."
Hearing this, Hayden allowed herself to relax.
The ride to Jessie’s place was shorter than either of them had expected. It was far too late for traffic to be heavy, and even though Hayden had driven something like 30 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone, the drive didn’t last for more than 15 minutes. In those 15 minutes, Jessie couldn’t help but think about how perfect Hayden seemed to be. She was cautious, but not overbearingly so, funny in all the right ways, and sweet in every sense of the word. But what she liked most about her was that there wasn’t a constant need for conversation. Things were just understood, words weren’t always necessary. She’d only known this girl for a month, but it felt like so much longer…and the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous didn’t hurt, either. She seemed almost too good to be true…just like Katie had been…
Damn it, Jessie scolded herself, can’t you please just get through ONE night without thinking of her? Try as she might, the answer to that question was evident…
No.
"Jessie…" Hayden spoke, stirring Jessie from her thoughts. "We’re here."
"Right, "she sighed. Of course.
Time passed at light speed. The stroll to the door couldn’t have gone by any faster. It was nerve-wracking and exciting, and completely scary all at once. Before either of them knew it, they had stumbled upon the most awkward part of the first date; the part where the goodnight kiss is supposed to take place. The potential kiss is the defining moment of the entire evening, and both girls where aware of that. Jessie looked nervously at Hayden, hoping for, and simultaneously, dreading the move she knew was coming. Hayden took a quick breath and decided to just go for it before the cowardice could set in. Jessie closed her eyes in anticipation. Every muscle in her body stiffened. She could feel the warmth of Hayden’s breath against her lips. I can do this, Jessie told herself. No, I can’t.
Jessie opened her eyes, and tweaked her head back at the last second. Hayden looked at her, surprised-- no-- completely bewildered.
"I’m sorry…"Jessie sighed, barely able to choke back the self-loathing. "Hayden, I really like you…but I just can’t do this."
"I…" She stopped, deciding it was better to say nothing at all, then, changing her mind. "It’s okay. I understand. Friends it is."
"I’m really, really sorry," Jessie said, guiltily.
"Don’t be. At least I got the chance to know you, and I’m ecstatic at
that…"
Jessie smirked, then moved in to hug her. "Thank you, Hayden."
Hayden touched Jessie’s back, loosely, then pulled away. "I’ll call you soon. We’ll hang out."
"Okay…" Jessie replied, then watched Hayden walk away. "Damn it" she said softly as Hayden drove away. "DAMN IT!" She yelled aloud, then slammed into the house.
She encountered Zoë in the hall on the way up to the attic. Zoë tried to speak to her, but Jessie just threw her hand up in a the "not now" gesture.
Once in the attic, Jessie threw herself onto her bed. She kicked off her boots, burrowed her head into her pillow, said "Damn it" one final time, and forfeited to the throbbing pain in her temples. While horrendous memories bombarded her brain to the point of exhaustion, she drifted into a restless, coma-like sleep.