Sparkle
by Kat
i'm sick of it all. when will this vicious cycle of pushing those
closest to me so far away ever end? hell, no one's even been able to
get close to me because i'm too insecure about everything. i've
spent the better part of my life trying to live up to every
expectation set upon me by my parents, friends & siblings. my mom
wants me to be successful, so i get involved in student activities,
join the school's music program, & excel in academics. then my
father wants me to be a model person so i'm always polite & volunteer
for various occasions. all leading to stepping it up as the youngest
child. to somehow show my talents & prove i am just as special as
they are. i am beginning to hate this person that i have become. i
keep waiting for that special girl to walk into my life & realize
that i'm here, waiting, as more than a friend. i hate how that girl
that makes me smile just thinking about her, the girl that i could
really see myself with & i don't mean that as the last/only real love
of my life, but it would be nice, i've already met her. she's
already walked right into my life. just a few weeks ago, the perfect
girl was with me & i'm telling you, i could have died a happy girl
after that. everything seemed to be going great, spending the day
together talking & hanging out, but all good things eventually have
to come to an end. why is that? once we find happiness in our
lives, we shouldn't let it go without a fight. unless she never felt
for you as you do her. i would give anything to heal her pain;
whatever's keeping her from dropping the heavy sarcasm as a defense
mechanism, i wish only to help her heal those wounds & move on,
instead of her keeping everything inside. but i don't think she'd
like me to be that person. the other day i saw her with someone
else. which of course only breaks my heart even more. maybe it's
not what it looks like, but as i sit in my car glaring out the
passenger window, she seems happy. she seems free. i don't want to
ruin that peace for her. but i just don't want her to be anything
but mine. i miss her. i try not to let it show, to prove to
everyone close around me that i've moved on & have forgotten. i have
to say, i haven't moved on & i haven't forgotten her smile. should i
hase after the one who got away, even when i'm unsure of how she
really feels? am i strong enough to put myself out on the like like
this, making myself truly vulnerable to love? fear takes over,
thinking that i have lost her forever. opportunity came knocking & i
slammed the door. i just don't know what to do anymore. the
directions to my life got lost in shipping. is this it? have i
really thrown everything away?
jessie scribbled all of her jumbled up thoughts on a piece of lined
paper that just so happened to be lying on the floor of her car. now
she was crying. the tears showed no sign of stopping. but somehow,
some part of jessie's spirit refused to give up on hope. without
hope & faith in something, what's the point? then, jessie realized
where katie was. it had to be the answer. quickly glancing over at
her gas gage, satisfied with the almost full tank of gas, she started
her car, half excited, half a nervous wreck, & started driving.
hopefully her heart would finally be her guide & she would find katie, but would it be too late?