Switching Lanes
PART 4
A few seconds longer and Katie would have succumbed to the temptation. She would have grabbed Jessie, wouldn't have spent much time on foreplay... and would have made love to her, even though the expression "make love" wouldn't exactly be fitting in this case, right there, next to the door, on the floor. Maybe that was what Jessie thought she'd do, maybe it was what was what was to be expected... but that wasn't what Katie wanted to happen and before she lost her control completely, fleeing was the only option!
"I c-c-can't... I'm... sorry... I th-th-think." She stuttered, still under the spell of Jessie's non-kiss.
Jessie could barely see Katie's face when she stormed out of the apartment. What happened? What did she do? Wasn't that... maybe... maybe... she got it all wrong... but why... Jessie was close to tears. This couldn't be true. She had been dumped! She had never been... she had neverbeen so sure about anything as she was about tonight and about Katie's intentions. She heard a door slam and then the engine of Katie's car roar. Her wheels spun... Katie's on the run... Jessie sighed, desperately trying to hold back her tears. It was her fault...
If she hadn't been driving, she would have closed her eyes from reality. Katie struggled to concentrate on the road. Soon after she got into the car, she decided not to drive home, but instead visit Jamie's. Never had she been more embarrassed about something she had done... but the more she thought about it, the more she realised that it would have been much worse if they had gone beyond a simple kiss.
Jamie grinned broadly when he opened the door to let Katie in.
"Wow, damn... that was a quickie, wasn't it? What did you do? Bang her right there in the doorway?"
"Shut up!" She pushed him into the apartment.
"What? Didn't she let you?" He was still grinning, not understanding why Katie was so furious.
"Stop it! I want to talk to you... seriously."
She sat down on one of the sofas and buried her head in her hands.
Even now she couldn't believe what had just happened. Jamie couldn't see her tears and she didn't want him to. She didn't want to show any kind of weakness.
"Seriously? Ehm... ok, what's up? What's wrong? I thought you would already be hitting the sheets with Tad's ex."
She finally looked at him.
"Would you please stop that!"
At last Jamie's sensitive side surfaced. If she was crying, something must be seriously wrong.
"Oh, my god... you're crying... that... what happened? Is it that bad?"
"Probably."
"Probably? Katie, do you remember the last time I saw you crying? It was years ago. This must be serious. Tell me what happened!"
"I made a fool of her." Katie stated.
"You made a fool of her... that's specific. What did you do?"
"I... when she asked me to come upstairs... I said yes... I thought it couldn't hurt. But when... when we were in her apartment, she was kind of all over me... and..."
"Kind of all over you? You mean in a kissing kind of way?"
"No, not really, she hugged me... and, well...," she sobbed slightly, "... there were clear signals that there was more to come... please, don't make me get detailed."
Jamie smiled weakly when he saw the worried expression on Katie's face.
"No, I won't. But I still don't understand how you made a fool of her."
"I ran away," Katie said quickly. "I knew what was going to happen... and I didn't want... ok... I don't know... probably I wanted, but... I ran away. Without... I just said: 'I'm sorry, I can't.'"
"What?" Jamie almost jumped up from his sofa.
"You heard me."
"Katherine Singer, this beautiful girl practically served herself on a silver platter, actually initiated the... whatever you did... and you? You just run? Oh, god... you're such a sissy! Pretty much every man guy I know would have loved to say: 'Yeah, baby, you want me to...'"
"Stop! Jamie..."
He grinned, obviously quite amused by Katie's situation.
"Ok, ok... I won't go into details... but it's unbelievable. And what tops it off is that you wanted her too!"
"What are you getting at? I should have screwed her then and there on the tiles of her hall just because my body wanted her and she wanted me?!? Great idea! Why don't we all just go back to our caves and only fuck, if we sense some reproductive urge?"
Jamie grinned. "I'm impressed."
"With what?"
"You actually said the word 'fuck' in direct context with a girl.
You've never said that before, even though that was practically what you did with all the girls before... well, this one actually entered your life. That's why I'm impressed."
"There's nothing impressive about it and that's definitely not my problem tonight." Katie was starting to get annoyed. She couldn't remember Jamie being this insensitive. Jessie was her problem now.
She didn't know what to do... she had never been in a situation like this. She couldn't take the idea that she had probably screwed it all up and would never see Jessie again. She wanted a second chance, a chance to explain herself... and a chance to convince Jessie, that there could be more than just sex.
"Well, well... yes, it is.In a way. For the last... I don't know, year, all you've been doing was having one-night-stands... one after another. Just like all the guys. You basically refused to fall in love. So now you've got your reputation... then this girl comes along... and you start to like her... but all she's expecting you to do is just take her to bed. But you don't want to. And... boom! Here we are."
Katie sighed.
"Okay then, if you're so wise, tell me this: What should I do? I humiliated her! I want to explain... I want her to know... I can't let her think that I just didn't want her... or whatever she's thinking now."
"That's probably exactly what she's thinking."
"That's not a answer to my question."
"I don't know, Katie."
"That isn't an answer either."
"I know,
but I don't have an answer. I don't know her... maybe you
should talk to her. Not tonight... but tomorrow..."
"Tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow! And how am I supposed to sleep?"
"That's your own fault."
**********
When Katie woke up the next morning, she had a headache as if she had been drinking all night. Half of the night she couldn't sleep, because her thoughts about how she could make up with Jessie rambled mercilessly through her head. And the other half she kept tossing and turning half asleep because her brain was tortured by fairly explicit fantasies about what could have happened earlier that night. Never had she experienced a such a strong attraction to anyone and she was sure that it went way beyond the physical. It was way beyond everything she knew. She hadn't even talked to Jessie and felt as if some part of her soul was missing when she wasn't there. Katie could still smell Jessie's skin, could hear her low voice and could feel her warm body pressing against her... damn... what was going on? She couldn't eat and decided to take a long, cold and hopefully refreshing shower, before returning to her garage and working on the bruises her baby got during the race last night.
There was no way, it was a good idea to just drive to Jessie's apartment, wait for her... and then talk to her. Jessie would probably run away or simply slam the door in Katie's face. It wouldn't help, Jessie wouldn't listen. So it had to be a public place, somewhere they were private enough to talk, but public enough so Jessie couldn't make a scene or run away.
As soon as she entered the garage, she got the idea. It was in the middle of the week. Jessie definitely had to have lectures this morning, so Katie knew what to do: Show up at Jessie's college!
Katie hurried back to her apartment and stormed into her bedroom. Clothes! Ordinary ones. Nothing too sexy like last night... nothing too unfashionable like her dungarees. She wanted to look serious and honest instead of desperate, although the expression 'desperate' would certainly describe her at the moment. She was definitely desperate... she wanted desperately to explain what happened.
On her way to the college she mused over all of Jessie's possible reactions and she disliked all of them, except for one. If Jessie gave her a second chance, Katie would be the happiest girl between here and the other end of the galaxy. But there was hardly a chance that she'll get two bites at this cherry. Katie grinned... damn, that sounded dirty... even in her own head. She had already passed up that offer and she was still sure it had been the right thing to do. When she remembered Jessie, her bright blue eyes and the sincerity that sparkled in them... she knew it had been right for both of them. She couldn't imagine that what almost happened last night was what Jessie wanted. Even supposing that she didn't know her that well... it was an opinion based on her intuition. Maybe she was wrong... maybe she was not, but she would find it out one way or the other.
**********
The campus was really crowded. Katie slowed the Mazda down and pulled into the parking lot. She smiled to herself. I probably should have borrowed another car for this 'mission'... mine is a little bit too showy. She hadn't even turned off the engine, when the car was already surround by a bunch of college guys and a few girls.
"Hey, what did you do to get your boyfriend to loan you his car?" a big, cocky guy asked while Katie locked the car.
"Ouch, and here... look at this... what a scratch! Damn, I bet this guy's gonna get a really special treatment to make sure he won't be too angry about it." Another one laughed inspecting the scrape that Tad had caused last night.
Katie eyed him, then grinned, trying to look as conceited as possible.
"This, big child, is my car. I suggest you stop talking about things you don't know... well, unless you can show me here and there that you do know. How about you have a closer look at my new adjustable fuel pressure regulator, and tell me," she batted her eyelashes, "the insecure, little girl, if the setting is right?"
His brown eyes popped open and the guy standing next to him slapped him on the shoulder.
"Man, that girl had you on. I'm impressed," he extended his hand to Katie. "Hi, I'm Michael. Please don't mind our jokes... it's just really rare to see girls drive tuned cars."
Katie shook his hand.
"I'm Katie. And I think you probably should get used to the fact that girls drive tuned cars... wake up! It's the 21st century."
He smiled weakly, still in disbelief that a girl like Katie drove a car and behaved like one of his fellow boasters. Katie saved her last comments to the guys and just left. She had other, more important, things on her mind.
"Spoiled brat!" The brown-eyed guy hissed as he watched Katie leave without another word.
It hit Katie as she walked down the small path towards the hall. How would she find Jessie here? There were so many people, so many students... and she didn't even know which building Jessie could be in. Katie glanced at her watch, half past 12, she'll probably be at the cafeteria. She looked around for any sign that said: "Cafeteria this way!" But couldn't see any. This turned out to be more difficult than she thought. Maybe it had been a bad idea ... maybe, yes... she stopped walking. Maybe it was. Jessie certainly wouldn't be alone. If she finds her, there will be friends, and other students and Katie will die of embarrassment here, in public, before she even said anything. Yes, it had been a bad idea.
She decided to wander around the campus a little bit as some sort of last resort. Maybe she would accidentally run into Jessie. That wouldn't solve her problem concerning fainting, stuttering and all the other lovely things that could happen, if Jessie came into sight, but it would at least calm down the little voice within her, that told her continuously that she was out of options.
Most of the people surrounding her were busy, hurrying to classes, chatting with each other... She didn't recognize any of them. How could she? She barely new anyone who went to college, in fact Jessie was the only one. Even though Katie had been quite an egghead at school, she had never really considered going to college. She had always liked what she was doing: the cars, the garage... there was no need to go to college to be a good street racer. And maybe... in the long run there was a chance that she'll drive real races... for real, for legal money. Someday.
She smiled to herself and sat down on a bench she discovered next to the path across the campus. Someday, yeah right... and someday she might not be such a fool when it comes to girls too.
For a few minutes she scanned the crowed, but if truth be told, she had already given up hope of meeting Jessie.
**********
At first Jessie just frowned, but eventually, right after she convinced herself it was impossible that she was seeing what she was seeing, she continued listening to Grace, who was walking next her.
Although... there's only one girl that can make my stomach twist like this. Her head spun around for a second time and this time she stopped walking, stopped listening... and stopped breathing.
Jessie hardly heard Grace' voice, which was calling for her, asking her, what was wrong.
It was Katie. There was Katie. Sitting on a bench... on campus... here... she's here. It had taken Jessie the whole night to forget about her embarrassment and the only thought that had helped her forget about it, was that she'd never see Katie again... not if she could do anything about it. Thinking of her still made her heart ache, made her feel the yearning deep down within her own being... made her feel like she had never felt before. She couldn't imagine any reason why it had to be Katie and she couldn't imagine how her intuition could play such a bad trick on her. How could she think Katie could be interested in her?
Seeing her sitting there fueled her hopes again... somehow... she hurt me! I don't want to see her... I don't want to be close to her... I don't... oh, damn of course I want to. While her thoughts were still struggling with anger and doubts, her heart had already decided to walk towards Katie, leaving Grace standing there asking herself what the hell was wrong with her stepsister.
Katie was about to leave, when she felt a hand touching her shoulder, and she was about to faint when she saw Jessie's gorgeous face appear... even though her voice wasn't as angelic as her eyes. It was filled with annoyance.
"What are you doing here? Are you following me?"
"N-n-no... I mean... I...." Stop stuttering, Singer! "I suppose you won't believe me, if I tell you that I'm a student, too." Phew... saved! Almost... oh, stop staring at me...
"No, I won't. So you're following me or are you going to tell me, that you're visiting one of your friends, who of course is a student here?"
Katie shook her head. This was her chance, she could barely believe that she was lucky enough to have it, so she wouldn't let it get away. She felt her hands shaking slightly and tried to hide it by standing up and hiding them deep down in her pockets. Her gaze met Jessie's eyes and suddenly Katie felt her heart break, when she saw all the hurt in the blue she was staring at... hurt she probably caused. She didn't want that to happen. In fact that was what she tried to prevent.
"Well... I don't think you'd believe that either, so... no... I... I was searching for you, because I... I wanted to apologize... for what happened last night."
Jessie grimaced. Apologize? For what? For not accepting my offer?
Thanks... great... wonderful... humiliate me a little bit more! But there was something in her eyes, something dear and honest... something that said, she was... she's playing with you again, Jessie.
Stop hoping for more! There isn't anything to hope for, she proved that last night!
"For what? Nothing happened. So there's nothing to apologize for. Now leave me alone! Ok?"
Jessie wanted this to be over and she regretted going to the bench and speaking to Katie. If she had just walked on, Katie wouldn't have seen her and she could have saved herself this trouble. She turned around and... Katie grabbed her arm and stopped her from walking away. Jessie felt her heart beating faster at their first contact after last night. Why can't she just forget about her?
"Wait! Don't go! I have to apologize. I know that... nothing really happened, but I think that... that... I have to apologize for running away."
She didn't let go of Jessie's arm and Jessie didn't make any effort to make her let go.
"It... it's okay. You didn't want to... so you left... it's okay..."
She stuttered, suddenly overwhelmed by her own feelings and by the feelings she sensed in Katie's words.
"No, it's obviously not ok. It's not that I didn't want... I just couldn't... I suppose that you heard a lot of stuff about me... stuff that's not true... well, not completely though... I just... I'm different, you're different... I mean..."
What was she talking about? That she couldn't sleep with her, like she did with all the other girls, Jessie heard about? No... definitely no... I don't want this. I can't. This feels wrong...
Jessie shook her head.
"Leave it, Katie! Last night... was last night. I don't want to go through this again... I should have known that I'm not the type of girl you would like."
Jessie was impressed by her own honesty, but she felt that there was no other way to end this quickly. She broke away from Katie's hand.
"You don't understand, do you? I'm saying that I couldn't, because I'm falling..."
Katie's mobile started ringing and before Katie knew who it was, she already cursed him or her. How's this for horrible timing? Right in the middle of... She could have ignored it, but she had the feeling that the mood was already ruined. This had been her chance, now it was gone. She fumbled in her pockets for the small phone and glanced at Jessie for a last time, her eyes filled with despair, because Jessie shook her head and left. Her heart had nearly stopped beating when she heard what Katie was about to say, but this wasn't going to work... it didn't feel right...
Katie saw Jamie's number on the display of her mobile phone. She answered.
"Jamie, I'm going to make you pay for this call for the rest of your life. Do you understand me?"
TBC...