Feel Good Lies
by Amastre

Feedback:  Yes, please! :-)    Amastre_1981@gmx.de
Disclaimer:  Most of these characters aren't mine and I'm just borrowing them for a while. But some are mine… like Matt!
Summary: AU Fic. Ok, a little update, I have some ideas about the story now, but I won't tell you all of them. Jessie and Katie are at college, they meet and… Jessie is one of these I'm-so-damn-straight-girls who breaks all the boys hearts and Katie is the very good friend who tries to be not so honest about a few things.
Author's Note: Thanks for the feedback! :-) These chapters were kind of hard to write… I hope you nevertheless enjoy reading them. I suppose I really need to think of a plot now! ;-)
 

PART 7

Almost everyone was looking at her and Katie didn't know what do to do about it. Some guys grinned at her and made suggestive remarks. Great, now I can't even go to my next class without being reminded of last night. Katie tried to ignore them, but it didn't work. It wasn't working because she knew that they weren't just jealous, she knew that they were gloating. Jessie was going to do what she always does: dump her dates. Well, until now Katie had no real proof that Jessie was going to that, but she was sure she will. Jessie won't call her. And that was tearing her apart.

Jessie didn't notice what was going on around her. There was so much work to do, so many courses and still two essays for the next week. In addition to her confusion, which was still there, getting on her nerves, she felt kind of tired. She wasn't used to drinking so much alcohol and she definitely wasn't used to all the other… No, Jessica Sammler, nothing happened. Forget about it! You were drunk, you can't remember.
She sighed… No, I can't remember… Oh god, her hands… her lips… I'm going to freak out, if I don't get close to her soon… Forget about it! Forget about it! Jessie murmured constantly, while walking through the halls.

**********

Matt walked into the living room and watched Katie for a while. She looked more frustrated than ever.

"What are you doing here?"

Katie hadn't noticed Matt, but now she was looking up from her notes.

"Writing an essay about a special parasite-host relationship, why? Do you want to help me?"

There was something tragical about it, how Katie was sitting there on the sofa, her eyes dark and tired.

"No, I just thought… you should be with Jessie now."

"Ah… thanks for reminding me, " she stood up and walked towards Matt, "I wanted to thank you, Matt. Thanks for introducing me to Jessie, thank you for faking your maths course and thanks for ruining my life."

Then she went back to the sofa and continued writing.

"What? Is that your way of telling me, that it's my fault?"

"Yes."

"I just wanted to help you. You were so great together yesterday… ahm… so cute. I don't understand… where's the problem?"

"That's something you have to ask Jessie… but, no wait, I can answer this question: Yesterday I kissed a drunken, straight girl. That's the answer. Actually, there's nothing to be sad or angry about, it was just some great mistake, you know. Nothing… really. Nothing worth thinking about. And now, you'll excuse me…"

Katie took her notes and the other stuff that was laying on the sofa and went to her room.

**********

Jessie was pacing around in her room, when Grace came in.

"I know, I'm just your stepsister and you don't have to tell me everything… but… ahm, I don't know… Haven't you heard all the rumours? All of them about you and Katie?"

Jessie sat down at her desk and leafed through one of the books.

"No, I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie! You know exactly, what it's about."

"No, I don't. Please, leave me alone, I have to write this essay."

"Jessie, you can't do that to yourself. You kissed her. And you liked it, I know it. I know you. And you're probably thinking about it all the time since then."

"I can't remember anything. I was drunk." 

Grace was beginning to loose control. Jessie was so damn stubborn. Everyone was talking about it, everyone saw them kissing, everyone saw that they both loved it and had difficulties stopping... how could she still deny it?

"Is that all you have to say about it?"

"Yes." Jessie started to get angry.

"Jessie, ahm… do you remember what your therapist would say, if he knew that you're lying to yourself?"

"I'm not having sessions anymore, so it doesn't matter. And: I'm not lying to myself. And just hypothetically, if I was lying, which I'm not, you should let me, if it makes me feel better."

"You would feel better, if you were in Katie's arms, believe me."

Grace closed the door after she left the room.

**********

Katie couldn't decide what would make her feel better, screaming or crying. Most of the time she tended towards crying. She wasn't angry, she was sad, disappointed and felt absolutely miserable. And most important, she felt too weak to scream. She ruined it all. She could have at least been friends with Jessie and there was a slight possibility that she would have forgotten about the falling in love part. But no! She had to kiss her. And now there was no way to take it back.

Someone knocked. It was Matt. His head appeared in the opening.

"Hey Kat. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to screw it all up. I thought about it… are you sure Jessie knows you're gay?"

Sweet, clumsy Matt… Katie shook her head, a small smile on her face.

"Matt, everyone on campus knows I'm gay. The girls know because I dated some of them and the guys know because… well, you know…this Katie and another hot chick fantasy… and because I'm competition. Everyone knows. And Jessie isn't a freshmen. She knows, I'm sure. And if she doesn't until yesterday, she will since today. And if not because of the kiss and the rumours, then because her stepsister told her."

Matt sat down next to Katie on her bed.

"And what if you two try to be friends? I think you would make great friends… well, better lovers than friends, but hey: You should take what you can get."

He tried to smile, but his attempts to lighten Katie's mood failed.

"I would love to be friends and maybe I would learn to handle it, maybe would forget about it. But I don't think Jessie can. I think she'll be scared of me… always afraid I could fall upon her… something like that."

"Hmm… I know why I'm so into boys."

"I suppose, you'll tell me?!"

"You girls are too complicated. I would just go to that guy, tell him, I…"

"Oh, Matt. That's not the same."

"It is. So… what do we do now? As I see I have to distract you from this upsetting situation. Let's go somewhere! Dress up and we'll check out the girls… ahm…I mean boys… ah, whatever! Come on! Just a few hours to forget about it, ok?"

"I won't forget about it."

"You will."

**********

Grace sat on the sofa reading, when Jessie answered the phone. She acted as if she was reading on, but actually she was listening.

"Yes, I remember… Tonight? Well, I don't know… I… Ok, ok… at eight… See you."

Jessie hung up, her face somewhat indifferent, somewhat unhappy.

"Who was it?"

"No one."

Jessie didn't leave the room, she wasn't even looking as if she wanted to.

"You were talking to no one on the phone? And you're going to date no one. Well... that's logical, little sis."

Jessie rolled her eyes.

"Oh... my god, you're so inquisitive. Don't you have a life of your own?"

"Yes, I do have a life of my own. But yours is more interesting at the moment. So, who was it? Katie?"

Katie?! Katie?! She would probably immediately hang up, if she was on the phone. Jessie couldn't stand hearing her voice. She couldn't stand being reminded of this... kiss. Without noticing it Jessie closed her eyes... I want this every time I see you... she still wanted it… she still wanted Katie to kiss her "Hi!", kiss her "Good morning!", kiss her "Good night!" and she wanted to her to kiss her all the time in between... Almost certainly she would fall upon Katie, if she saw her. Well, more or less. But: No! Behave, Jessie Sammler! That's not what your parents told you... That's not what you wanted your life to be… I suppose.

"So it was Katie then?" Grace grinned, seeing her sister dream.

"No, it wasn't. It was Ben and I'm going to have a date with Ben tonight."

"Ben? That takes the biscuit, honey! I won't let you date a guy! You must be joking! Who's Ben?"

"Ben's a guy from one of my courses. And I'm not going to ask you, if I'm allowed to date him."

Grace jumps to her feet and storms towards her stepsister.

"Answer me just this one question! What's so wrong about being in love with a girl?"

Jessie actually wanted to ignore her and hurry to her room, but now she completely forgot her lines. She wasn't in love… she wasn't.

"I'm not in love."

"Hmm…ok, yes… that explains definitely everything. That's why you look so absolutely miserable... that's why you stop dead from time to time and start dreaming... Don't fool yourself, Jessie! Everyone saw and heard you last night... They saw how you two hugged, how you two couldn't stop touching each other. And most important, they heard you begging, Jessica Sammler, you almost pleaded for Katie not to stop."

Jessie's couldn't prevent her face turning red.

"That's not true. Campus rumours, nothing more."  Well... not really, face it! I would have killed, if that made her go on. No! Think straight!

"Oh, how do you know? You always say, you were drunk, you can't remember."

That damn confusion. Jessie knew she couldn't work that way, she couldn't think and she definitely couldn't argue in this state of mind.

"Hold on, Grace! I'm going to date Ben tonight. And now I'll have to change, there're just two hours left."

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